Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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