I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
