So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
