Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
