I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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