i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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