What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
