I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
