watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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