Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
