I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's great music for shaving your balls
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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