this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
