dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
