I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
