I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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