You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
