What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
