I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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