Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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