i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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