Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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