it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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