so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
