I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
