I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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