Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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