i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
