This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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