you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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