My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
