just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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