Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
