Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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