YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
