After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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