i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
