i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
