we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
