She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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