if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
