"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize