You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My room smells like vodka and shame
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
