How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
