I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
