Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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