almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
