are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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