and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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