If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
