What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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