My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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