Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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