About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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