Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
