the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
