Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
