So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
