he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
