my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No subtext here. People are naked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
