Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you had me at cake vodka
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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