so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
