I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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