im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
