can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
